" Origins "

This extract is taken from a book I am currently reading, Myth = Mithya by Devdutt Patnaik :

In the beginning,
There was neither Being nor Non-Being
Neither sky, earth, nor what is beyond and beneath.
What existed? For whom?
Was there water?
Death, immortality?
Night, Day?
Whatever there was, there must have been one
The primal one (God?)
Self-created, self-sustained, by his own heat,
Unaware of himself
Until there was desire to know himself.
That desire is the first seed of the mind, say seers
Binding Non-Being with Being.
What was above and what was below?
Seed or soil?
Who knows?
Who really knows?
Even the gods came later.
Perhaps only the primal being knows,
Perhaps not.
(Rig Samhita)

That moment had come again all of a sudden, catching me off-guard... Viewing the vast dark canvas of God sprinkled with few stars in between... The cold wind was making it's presence felt, gently bypassing my touch...

In the midst of the din, those memories came flooding by, when we had sat on his terrace till about 3 am in the December cold of Kolkata... He had offered me his winter-coat, exposing himself to the bitter cold... We had sat there for long... talking, listening to the silence of the night...

It was the time, then...

A year later, we had sat together, on his terrace, this time in Delhi... There were few things to talk and even fewer to share... The bulk of the time was engulfed by our silences... That deafening silence which came back to me yesterday, as I wandered on my terrace in the midst of Republic Day Eve celebration...

My cell phone beeped... It was a message, whose sender I had met only a few days back... It said : "Think abt this..u r sittin on d stairs with me at 3 in d midnight on d terrace of ur home...suddenly ur phone rings n u go 2 attend d phone promisin me 2 cum back but d person on d phone is from my family givin u d creepy news tat i died last night...will u cum back 2 me?..."

For you, Bhushan.

Some moments stay with you for eternity.

At 8000+ ft, he stopped suddenly and said : Sir, I want to sit here and cry. He looked straight at me, when he said these words to me.

I was taken aback for a while, but when I saw his misty eyes, I could understand the depth of his desire.

For the next few minutes he cried to his heart's content. I just stood there watching him. Speechless.

I am still speechless when I recall that incident. I am in awe of the fact that, God chose me, for that most intimate moment of his life. Could it not be any of the 29 of us? Was it a mere coincidence? Was it a sign of series of incidents that could happen to us?

My mind was fully occupied with these thoughts for the rest of trek. I had assumed that the whole thing would die down when we would both get back to our routine life. But it was not to be.

After long, I called him once, after receiving his mail. He told me then " It was one of the most precious day of my life...!!!"

Yet another signs of things to come. Yet another story in the making...

Thank you, Manu...

... for all those moments, when you might have filled your empty mind with my thoughts...

... for all those moments, when knowing that I couldn't be around you - you might have felt yourself still closer to me...

... for all those moments when I walk down the road, thinking about just you and Him... which invariably brings a smile to my heart...

... for all those days - and nights, too - when I could talk to you endlessly....

... for those moments of waiting at the platform for my train to arrive and for not sleeping the previous night.... lest you thought you would be late....

... for those moments of your creation of the exemplary poem - main tha main hoon - which at a later day would serve as a guiding light for someone - someone known and some others unknown to you....

... for bringing 'love' into my life...

... for those moments on the terrace of your flat amidst the chilled winter night, when you offered your warmth with your smiles...

... for those moments of rushing through the traffic hour and making it to my bus at the turn of the road... to see me off till the airport...

... for sharing glimpses from your past - your relations, your friends, your world...

... for all those cups of tea that kept me warm and refreshed at moments when i thought i would collapse...

... for those running between the office and the cafe and looking after whether i was fine and ordering a cup of coffee everytime, you thought, you couldn't give me enough time....

... for standing there for - ever - until my taxi drove away... and smiling as I saw you after I turned to see you for one more time...

... for those very special moments at Dhobighat, when I broke down before you - something which I consider a divine moment of my life - because it was not about crying, it was about the plan of the Almighty to have chosen that time, that space and those two of us....

... for those moments when you brought thousands of smiles to Ansh's face, becuase then I was releaved for Ansh... I knew then, he was in safe hands...

... and...

... for all those moments that will follow now onwards....

... moments of emptiness... of walking through the day amidst the knowledge of having you around and still not being able to hold you...

... moments of absolute void....

... moments of living through the days with the knowledge that I might never hear from you nor Him...

... moments that will take away my breathe in the midst of the night at the sudden flash of your and His thought....

Thank you very much, indeed... !!!

Hmm... Finally it's sinking in... slowly, but for sure... I will have to live with the knowledge that the persons I love most are angry with me... so much that, they might never talk to me again... All my attempts to get back to them have been in vain... Nothing seems to change their mind... Somehow I like their stubbornness... They atleast stand by their principles...!!! It pained in the initial days... Now that has started to heal... Time always does that... Slowly, the pain would erase... But can it erase the memories??? It would keep coming back... It does keep coming back... To Him I have told what place He has in my life... I have asked Him to perform a task that would liberate me forever... Well, He hasn't replied to it, as yet... But I am sure, He would one day... If not till the day I am here, definitely He would perform that task when I am there... Or rather on the day when I am there... That - His action - would liberate me...

I cannot ask for their forgiveness... 'Coz I know, I do not deserve that... The only redemption then, is for me to carry this realisation every moment of my life... All of a sudden this pang of emptiness crops up in the midst of a very busy work life... I remember the futility of all my attempts... I wonder - what would they be doing at that very moment... As I wonder at this moment when I am writing this... And of all those moments, which "could have been"...!!!

Am sorry Prem... Am sorry Manu... Am sorry Shampz... And am sorry Vishal... !!!

I have been trying to keep it under the wraps... it just keeps on popping out... all memories of my journey to find Him... to find true love... to find the person I love most... the journey is over... been there... except for a hint of Him that He gave me at the most unexpected moment... And then vanished... along the way, I lost myself too...

"Hope you get what you are going for?"... He had wished for me... What had I gone for in the first place...!! I had no idea then.. I have no idea now... I knew, I just had to go... the reason would just appear at it's appointed time... May be it did appear... May be, I was too gullible to understand the importance of that...

I wonder with amazement at how the things turned out... I had not in my wildest dreams had an inkling of this... But then, that's what life is all about... It always offers you the unexpected... True, I admit, I did commit one mistake... And now, for the rest of my life, I would redeem it...

I am not sad at the turnout of the events that followed... I am sad that - that - could all happen to me... to us...

True... There's road to heaven... And it's waiting for me...

Remains from my walk around Heavenly Abode..

What’s left behind is purely kaleidoscope of moments… From the long train journey in the Rajdhani…to an ecstatic journey on the top of bus back to base camp…Pristine scenic beauty…fluffy clouds… the esoteric mist…deadly cold winds… monsoon showers… the thunder and lightnings… Angelic Muskaan… The peaceful Lamas… Prayers on winds… A dream taking shape at 8500 ft amidst tears of happiness… Our first brush with the snow… Gardens of Edens… Wild and beautiful mountain flowers … By the flowing river… The question : Why is money so important in life?... The road leading to Heaven… Above the clouds at 13000 ft… The constant fights and scoldings… the giant giant fallen tree… Solitudeness… Deadly yet heavenly Peace… Meeting Him..Almost!!!... The one rupee debt of the old woman… Pine trees touching the sky, almost… The chilling 2 km snow slide… The song of the river… The prayers of the monks… The paintings of monastery… Being last in all the camps and the grace in being so… Tinku’s courage… Bhushan’s search… Sir’s loneliness… Himanshu’s hands of God… Tough, stylish and handsome guides… Community dinners at base camps… The skit we performed… Shampa’s unforgettable “Chirodine” renditions…and more...