It has been quiet within - for some last few days. It slowly creeps in everyday, as I take a walk down the empty roads all by myself. A sense of emptiness fills my heart as I see the world passing by me. There are lots of lights on the roads. Celebration is in the air as every other day, there is one festival or the other over here. I see people laughing - their half hearted attempts to lose themselves for a brief time frame from the reality. I see people making merry, people eating, buying clothes, buying gadgets and every other thing that is on sale. I have time and again tried to find a rational behind this but my mind seems to have given up long before.
What is it that they are walking upto - or rather walking away from? Why do their faces gleam with merriment, but their souls so empty? Why do they walk as if, they are in deep slumber?
And then the sum of it all, percolates, as I take a turn on the long stretched 100 feet road. With barely any belongings, clinging to her heart, I see her. I see her everyday, at the same spot. Her old age has long before defeated her body. With a wrinkled face, half broken glasses, she calls for alms. Her voice is no match for the din of her surroundings. Once in a while someone throws a penny here and a penny there. And I wonder, at the paradox of life unfolding before me. Paradox between the haves and the have-nots!!!
My heart has thousand questions about her. What fate would have brought her here? Would her children must have thrown her out in her old age? Would she have lost her way in the crowd? Would she be suffering from some life-threatening disease and left by her very own people here to die? Does she really deserve this fate at her age? Or is it just her 'karma' playing it's part?
Deep as I may allow my heart to dig about her, my mind shields away any 'charitable thought'. In the most extraordinary way, my mind - always - wins over!!!
This quietness only makes me more uncomfortable. I have tried avoiding myself to take that route - but my feet invariably takes me there, everyday. And this quietness grows!!!
Something inside me has died forever.
Sunday, October 14, 2007
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1 comment:
something that i have always felt...!infact something that most people have felt...the meaninglessness of it all..!!
nothing in you has died...it is just sleeping..!
just today when i was coming to office i got the same feeling....i realised how passive i have become and was wondering what is it that would shock me into a consciousness of myself...i often wonder this...
at times i feel only "nothingness" makes sense...i can feel this when at times i sit and meditate...
silence the mind..it just speaks a bit too much..!
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