I have been trying to keep it under the wraps... it just keeps on popping out... all memories of my journey to find Him... to find true love... to find the person I love most... the journey is over... been there... except for a hint of Him that He gave me at the most unexpected moment... And then vanished... along the way, I lost myself too...

"Hope you get what you are going for?"... He had wished for me... What had I gone for in the first place...!! I had no idea then.. I have no idea now... I knew, I just had to go... the reason would just appear at it's appointed time... May be it did appear... May be, I was too gullible to understand the importance of that...

I wonder with amazement at how the things turned out... I had not in my wildest dreams had an inkling of this... But then, that's what life is all about... It always offers you the unexpected... True, I admit, I did commit one mistake... And now, for the rest of my life, I would redeem it...

I am not sad at the turnout of the events that followed... I am sad that - that - could all happen to me... to us...

True... There's road to heaven... And it's waiting for me...

Remains from my walk around Heavenly Abode..

What’s left behind is purely kaleidoscope of moments… From the long train journey in the Rajdhani…to an ecstatic journey on the top of bus back to base camp…Pristine scenic beauty…fluffy clouds… the esoteric mist…deadly cold winds… monsoon showers… the thunder and lightnings… Angelic Muskaan… The peaceful Lamas… Prayers on winds… A dream taking shape at 8500 ft amidst tears of happiness… Our first brush with the snow… Gardens of Edens… Wild and beautiful mountain flowers … By the flowing river… The question : Why is money so important in life?... The road leading to Heaven… Above the clouds at 13000 ft… The constant fights and scoldings… the giant giant fallen tree… Solitudeness… Deadly yet heavenly Peace… Meeting Him..Almost!!!... The one rupee debt of the old woman… Pine trees touching the sky, almost… The chilling 2 km snow slide… The song of the river… The prayers of the monks… The paintings of monastery… Being last in all the camps and the grace in being so… Tinku’s courage… Bhushan’s search… Sir’s loneliness… Himanshu’s hands of God… Tough, stylish and handsome guides… Community dinners at base camps… The skit we performed… Shampa’s unforgettable “Chirodine” renditions…and more...

A prayer

This is a prayer that has given me immense peace at all times.

Jaise suraj ki garmi se jalte hue tan ko
Mil jaaye taruvar ki chhaaya
Suraj ki garmi se jalte hue tan ko
Mil jaaye taruvar ki chhaaya
Aisa hi sukh mere mann ko mila hai
Main jab se sharan teri aaya, mere ram

Suraj ki garmi se jalte hue tan ko
Mil jaaye taruvar ki chhaaya
(Bhatka hua mera mann tha koi
Mil na raha tha sahaara) - 2
Laheron se ladti hui naav ko - 2
Jaise mil na raha ho kinaara
Mil na raha ho kinaara

Us ladkhadaati hui naav ko jo
Kisi ne kinaara dikhaaya
Aisa hi sukh mere mann ko mila hai
Main jab se sharan teri aaya, mere ram
Suraj ki garmi se jalte hue tan ko
Mil jaaye taruvar ki chhaaya
Sheetal bani aag chandan ke jaisi

Raaghav krupa ho jo teri - 2
(Ujiyaali poonam ki ho jaaye raatein
Jo thi amaavas andheri) - 2
Jo thi amaavas andheri
Yug yug se pyaasi marubhumi ne jaise
Saawan ka sandes paaya
Aisa hi sukh mere mann ko mila hai

Main jab se sharan teri aaya, mere ram
Suraj ki garmi se jalte hue tan ko
Mil jaaye taruvar ki chhaaya
(Jis raah ki manzil tera milan ho
Us par kadam main badhaaoon) - 2
(Phoolon mein khaaron mein patjhad bahaaron mein

Main na kabhi dagmagaaoon) - 2
Main na kabhi dagmagaaoon
(Paani ke pyaase ko taqdeer ne jaise
Jee bhar ke amrit pilaaya) - 2
Aisa hi sukh mere mann ko mila hai
Main jab se sharan teri aaya, mere ram
Suraj ki garmi se jalte hue tan ko

Mil jaaye taruvar ki chhaaya
Aisa hi sukh mere mann ko mila hai
Main jab se sharan teri aaya, mere ram
Suraj ki garmi se jalte hue tan ko
Mil jaaye taruvar ki chhaaya

Words.

This is a random list of words that I like the most. Why? One - They are profound in meaning. Two - They just sound so good.

1. Gullible.
2. Aavaran.
3. Arpan.
4. This point in time. (Ok.. this one is a phrase)
5. Hmm.. Hmm...
6. Labyrinth.
7. Aakash.
8. India.
9. Love.
10. Prayer.
11. Esplanade.
12. Mann.
13. Salvation.
14. Jeevan.
15. Yatra
16. Soul.
17. Nautanki.
18. Water.

Well... this list can go on and on... And i will add on to this... time and again...

Today, it's feeling of both - the ecstacy about realisation of the Ultimate Journey, and the agony of leaving it all behind. Though I am more elated about the Journey part of it.

A programme on Discovery Atlas, brought forth, a profound fact of Life - How many of us actually prepare for that Journey? Virtually, none!!! They believe, that Death is the Ultimate Fact of Life and yet, no one wants to sneak through the other side of The Door. We believe, as we live - that Life will go on forever. How about making small beginnings to know what lies Beyond that closed Door? How about asking those very people about life beyond - who are already there?

I feel amazingly light today. Suddenly, all the cobwebs of my mind seems to have faded away. Everything is very clear now. Finally I have had the courage to decide where I want to take my life. It's been a hell of a time, these last few days. Now, everything is clear. My life. My goal. My path. Everything's clear. Quite a few people have been instrumental in shaping me, my ideas and my thoughts. When I look back, I feel myself the luckiest person to have my life intercepted with theirs. Sunil, Prem, Mann, Poonam, Amar, Raj, Ansh, Wish, Shampz, Uncle, Aunt, Mad. Everyone of this, has a very special place in my heart. They have no clue, how their mere presence - 'somewhere' in this world, lightens up my life. And yes, I love them all. If only the word 'love' could convey my true feelings for them!!!

***

I have realized that God resides in each of us. And truly, it does not take any miracle to know this. A little conversation with your self everyday. That's what all it takes. I believe divinity lies in each of us. It truly does. He had made me realize this in the most amazing way. And I am ever grateful to Him!!!

***

I am at peace. Utmost peace. For the realisation has dawned upon me. The realisation has set me free!!!