Classic.

This novel keeps on coming to my mind - again and again - One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest by Ken Kesey. I have it right here with me, but somehow could not go beyond a few pages. And the name keeps coming back.

I wonder why.

15B, Jubilee Park.

Closed in the deepest crevices of my heart lies an address that is etched forever.

From here starts many a story.

Soul connection...

Can it ever happen that you are constantly thinking about some person - day in and day out - so much so that, the person lives in your sub-conscious mind with you - and one fine day - just for a brief moment, his soul enters you???

I sincerely think, it's possible. I mean, it may happen, if the magnitude is too strong to cut off the barriers of time and distance.

For those brief moments, you feel, you think, you act and you become - him/her. This is not to say some spooky things. But a sincere way of putting - may be what I experienced the other day when I felt cherubic... May be - yes - it's possible. Because, it isn't the first time I have felt that person...

And when it does happen, you are changed... for better....

Being cherubic...

It's a simple feeling... And it comes once in a while.... Feel like an angel today... I do not know the reason, but I felt it suddenly when I was crossing the road in the evening... I felt I've got wings on me... Felt much lighter and most perfectly divine... It was just a passing moment... And yet I lived a lifetime in that moment... It certainly changed something in me... I saw people passing and smiling - through - me... What was it that had changed in me in just a couple of moments? I do not know, neither do I want to know ... In that one moment, I felt everything was perfect... Just the way as it should be... I was not angry at the motorists' honks... I was smiling an angel's smile and quite a few people noticed this, I guess ('Coz they smiled back at me!!!)... all bitter emotions locked up in my heart, evaporated... everything and everyone were forgiven... rather I blessed them all for passing - through - me.... an amazing feeling of lightness... Aah!!! This is the closest I felt like God!!!

Khuda ka shukra hai...

...goes one of the most melodious ghazals sung by Pankaj Udhas that I've ever heard... Somehow, I immediately get into the trance... Kaise guzarti shaam...!!! Sometimes, sharaab is your best companion in the evening.... I have heard a lot of ghazals on "sharaab" and I must say, I like most of them... Everyone, transmits you to another world... Just the same way as an intoxicated person when he is in his trance... Here's the lyrics of that most amazing ghazal.... (must have heard a thousand times!!!!)

Khuda ka shukra hai varna gujarti kaise shaam - 2
sharaab jisne banaayi (use hamara salaam) - 2 ) - 3

ye jeete ji hi karati hai sair jannat ki - 3
isiliye hi to shayad hui sharab haraam - 2
sharab jisane banayi (use hamara salam) - 2
khuda ka shukra hai varna gujarti kaise shaam

ye maikhana hai yaha ka nizaam ultaa hai - 3
jo ladkhada na saka peeke ho gaya badnaam - 2
sharab jisane banayi (use hamara salam) - 2
khuda ka shukra hai varna gujarti kaise shaam

sharab itani sharifaana cheez hai aalam - 3
ke peeke aadami sach bolta hai subhaho sham- 2
sharab jisane banayi (use hamara salam) - 2
khuda ka shukra hai varna gujarti kaise shaam

I am still in the trance.....

Mystery.. Or just plain Ignorance??

You only know - that - which the other person wants you to know about him... Other things, you will just never know... And you will keep guessing the rest of your life... !!!

Quietness...

It has been quiet within - for some last few days. It slowly creeps in everyday, as I take a walk down the empty roads all by myself. A sense of emptiness fills my heart as I see the world passing by me. There are lots of lights on the roads. Celebration is in the air as every other day, there is one festival or the other over here. I see people laughing - their half hearted attempts to lose themselves for a brief time frame from the reality. I see people making merry, people eating, buying clothes, buying gadgets and every other thing that is on sale. I have time and again tried to find a rational behind this but my mind seems to have given up long before.

What is it that they are walking upto - or rather walking away from? Why do their faces gleam with merriment, but their souls so empty? Why do they walk as if, they are in deep slumber?

And then the sum of it all, percolates, as I take a turn on the long stretched 100 feet road. With barely any belongings, clinging to her heart, I see her. I see her everyday, at the same spot. Her old age has long before defeated her body. With a wrinkled face, half broken glasses, she calls for alms. Her voice is no match for the din of her surroundings. Once in a while someone throws a penny here and a penny there. And I wonder, at the paradox of life unfolding before me. Paradox between the haves and the have-nots!!!

My heart has thousand questions about her. What fate would have brought her here? Would her children must have thrown her out in her old age? Would she have lost her way in the crowd? Would she be suffering from some life-threatening disease and left by her very own people here to die? Does she really deserve this fate at her age? Or is it just her 'karma' playing it's part?

Deep as I may allow my heart to dig about her, my mind shields away any 'charitable thought'. In the most extraordinary way, my mind - always - wins over!!!

This quietness only makes me more uncomfortable. I have tried avoiding myself to take that route - but my feet invariably takes me there, everyday. And this quietness grows!!!

Something inside me has died forever.